Joaquin: Faking It?

February 16, 2009

I don't know what in the world happened here, but each time I watch this clip, I laugh even harder. I don't know if Joaquin was faking it or not, but if he's not, then that's one of the classic late night interviews in history. Dave is hilarious. Just watch and laugh.

Was It Really Worth It, Kirby?

February 12, 2009

Last night I was sitting quietly in my basement, enjoying a peaceful evening with my two adorable children when I heard footsteps rushing up the stairs and a knock at the front door. Two people whom I had never seen before practically broke down my door and with all the determination of a great white shark consuming a newly-discovered, bloody corpse, they tried to sell me one of the most amazing inventions ever known to the human race - a Kirby vacuum.

Ninety minutes later, they had me convinced. Sure, the Kirby gets so much suction on the carpet that it literally lifts the carpet up with it's undeniable power. Sure, you can use it to paint your house, blow your leaves, detail your car, shampoo your carpets, and make an actual golf ball spin rapidly three inches away from the vacuum hose. Sure, they in some way inexplicable to me in this recession-stricken period in our history were able to knock the outrageous preliminary $2395 asking price down to the factory-price - $795.

All I could think about was how I had just lost 90 minutes of my life, that they obviously had no conception or appreciation for how valuable that time lost was to me, and that I had to finish my six-page Spanish paper, as well as a 20-minute class presentation. I don't know who is more to blame, the pushy people who barged into my place of security, myself for being stupid enough to let them in in the first place, or my neighbor who didn't let them in so that they ended up at my house. Well, we know the second choice isn't an option, so it's either pushy people or my neighbor.

The moral of the story is this: the people from Kirby reminded me of a resolution I made years ago with regard to overly aggressive and pushy salespeople. If I can't keep them from barging into my house, or wasting my time calling me on the phone, they at least need to know that they have lost a customer, forever.

I have made this resolution time and time again. I often re-make it whenever I walk into a shopping mall. I explained my position to this effect in the past to a representative of the Casper Star-Tribune. I had subscribed to the paper for a time, but because of financial circumstances, I canceled the subscription. When they wouldn't stop calling me, I finally said, "Listen. I like your newspaper. I am aware of its presence in the world. In the future, when I am able to do so, it is very likely I will subscribe to the paper again. But if you call me one more time, I guarantee you I will never buy another paper from your company again."

Unfortunately, I didn't say the same thing to the Kirby crew. But I'm saying it now. I'm sure it makes no difference to the salespeople from last evening if I never buy a Kirby vacuum. But resolutions such as these are necessary to combat against the space-invading creatures that will not leave innocent civilians like me alone. In the end, my life will be easier. So, was it really worth it, Kirby?

President Barack Hussein Obama

January 23, 2009

This week has come and gone just as quickly as any other. And suddenly, President George W. Bush is now a former president, and we have a new leader in President Barack Hussein Obama.

It should be apparent by now that I am not a very courageous person, insofar as stating my true thoughts on Obama is concerned. Coming up with a steady diet of "liberals hate America," "liberalism is a mental disorder," "liberals are Godless," etc., for some reason it is really hard to just come right out and say the dreadful words, "I believe in Barack Obama." And I don't even consider myself a liberal, let alone a democrat. Regardless, admitting to ultra-conservatives that you believe in Barack Obama is probably as blasphemous as denying the existence of a Supreme Creator. But I am coming to accept the way things are for me, and although it is really hard to describe, I am very optimistic about the future, in large part because of who our president is today.

As I watched the inauguration on Tuesday, I was filled with hope, with inspiration, with optimism. To me, Barack Obama symbolizes, in a variety of different ways, the goodness of the country of which I am a proud citizen.

For a short time, I was beginning to doubt that goodness. I watched the United States move along what looked to me like a slow, awful, unstoppable decline. (By way of clarification, in my opinion, this attitude had little to do with where Bush and conservatives took the country over the last eight years.) While the U.S.A. has innumerable problems, some of them very difficult, I have again reaffirmed, at least in my own mind, that what this country symbolizes, what this country stands for, for those of us who live here, and for many around the world, is simple goodness. And although it may be completely sickening to some critics of the new president, to me Barack Obama has made me believe in that simple truth once again.

I am proud of my country, and I'm proud to be and American. I am proud of President Barack Obama.

2 + 2 = 5

January 17, 2009

A great Radiohead video. A great Radiohead song. Interesting social commentary.



Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?
I'll stay home forever
Where two and two always makes a five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide
January has April's showers
And two and two always makes a five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can SCREAM and you can shout
It is too late now

Because...
You have not been!

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention oohh

I try to sing along
But I get it all wrong
Cozimnot
Cozimnot

I swat 'em like flies but like flies the buggers keep coming back NOT
But I’m not

All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief

But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not

Don't question my authority or put me in the box
Cozimnot
Cozimnot

Oh go and tell the king that the sky is falling in

When it's not
But it's not
But it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not

Harmonious Hymns

January 14, 2009

I get inflammatory information sent to me occasionally, as I've said. Sometimes it comes through my email inbox. Sometimes it is in the current newspaper, or on TV. Such material initially elicits very strong, emotional reactions.

However, as time marches on, and I get little older (and wiser, too, I hope), I am less prone to jump into an angry tirade, or judge another person without hearing other points of view.

In connection with this short anecdotal thought, the topic in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday was mercy and forgiveness. We sang a couple excellent hymns - #235, "Should You Feel Inclined to Censure," #273, and "Truth Reflects Upon Our Senses."

The lyrics are sublime. I hope to pattern my life more along the feelings conveyed in the verses:

Should you feel inclined to censure
Faults you may in others view,
Ask your own heart, ere you venture,
If you have not failings, too.
Let not friendly vows be broken;
Rather strive a friend to gain.
Many words in anger spoken
Find their passage home again.

Do not, then, in idle pleasure
Trifle with a brother's fame;
Guard it as a valued treasure,
Sacred as your own good name.
Do not form opinions blindly;
Hastiness to trouble tends;
Those of whom we thought unkindly
Oft become our closest friends."
(Hymns, #235, Text: Anonymous
emphasis added)

Jesus said, "Be meek and lowly,"
For 'tis high to be a judge;
If I would be pure and holy,
I must love without a grudge.
It requires a constant labor
All his precepts to obey.
If I truly love my neighbor,
I am in the narrow way.

Once I said unto another,
"In thine eye there is a mote;
If thou art a friend, a brother,
Hold, and let me pull it out."
But I could not see it fairly,
For my sight was very dim.
When I came to search more clearly,
In mine eye there was a beam.

Charity and love are healing;
These will give the clearest sight;
When I saw my brother's failing,
I was not exactly right.
Now I'll take no further trouble;
Jesus; love is all my theme;
Little motes are but a bubble
When I think upon the beam.
(Hymns, #273, Text, Eliza R. Snow, 1804-1887
vs. 2,3,5, emphasis added)

As I read the words to these two hymns, I then remembered a superb talk by the late President Gordon B. Hinckley entitles, "Slow to Anger." In the talk, President Hinckley refers to the hymn, "School Thy Feelings." This hymn is marvellous, as well:

School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason’s tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind. …

School thy feelings; condemnation
Never pass on friend or foe,
Though the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow.
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.

School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
(“School Thy Feelings,” Hymns, no. 336,
Text, Charles W. Penrose, 1832-1925)

I hope I can be more wise in my judgments in the future, as I follow the Godly counsel in these hymns.