I Want Nothing but the Truth....but.....

January 5, 2011

A few weeks ago one of the parents of a boy that comes to daycare every day gifted us some different spoils from a recent hunting excursion - jerky, sausage, ground meat, etc. Usually his gifts are savory and mouth-watering. However, this batch of jerky did not impress me, nor did it impress my wife. Before we even consumed half the bag, we threw the rest away.

Flash forward to yesterday, and a scene that is familiar to just about anyone comes into play - this same parent asking my wife and I, "did you eat the jerky? Did you like it?"

I am a person who really hates to be disingenuous, and yet in situations like these, I know what my response is going to be.... "Yeah, it was great!"

Growing up, especially in the LDS church, I was taught very well that lying was wrong, and that there is no gray area between right and wrong. Thus, in my very literalistic, unexperienced way of viewing things, I understood this as meaning "never lie for any reason, ever!" Of course, as I continued to gain experience and knowledge, I realized that this black and white thinking didn't really apply in all circumstances.

However, I would have thought it would apply in God's one and only true church. How could a lie (or the corollary, not telling a lie but just not telling the truth either) ever serve the members of the church? But it seems that even for God, telling the truth can have undesired consequences.

I am reading a biography of Spencer W. Kimball by his son Edward, and while the book can often times be interpreted as potentially faith-promoting, Ed Kimball tries to just tell things the way they are. Thus, you can find quotes like this one from Dallin H. Oaks (p. 190), "Even though something is true, we are not necessarily justified in communicating it."

To further illustrate this point, Edward points out disagreements various leaders had over the publishing of certain church histories by the LDS Historical Department, such as The Story of the Latter-Day Saints. Apostles Ezra Taft Benson, Boyd K. Packer, and Delbert L. Stapley objected to including things like how Brigham Young chewed tobacco (to deaden the pain of bad teeth), or how the Word of Wisdom came about at a time in the nineteenth century when other people were also adopting similar health guidelines.

I guess even though I have tried to form a more nuanced view of the world, it is easy for me to hold the church up to what I consider a higher standard. If the church is going to go around saying it is the only place where people can find all the truth, then they had better tell the truth, and/or not cover it up.

I have read all sorts of materials and books that would probably be considered "anti-mormon" by your average member of the church. At first it was a little disconcerting, but I just could not turn away. While my views of the church have changed rather significantly over the past several years, I don't think anything I could read could be as trying to my faith in the hierarchy as knowing they try to cover things up ostensibly to promote faith and protect testimonies. Knowing that this happens throws everything else up into the air.

But maybe the church just sees itself as an extension of myself - not wanting to admit that the jerky stinks, to save face, or to preserve a healthy reputation. But we are not just talking about lying to someone who wants to know if you liked their jerky. These are questions about who will or won't be saved, or whether or not there is even a life after this one. That's why I think the church has to be held to the highest standard possible. But one still has to wonder, is it always better to tell the truth? Are we, as well as the church, ever justified in telling a lie, or not telling the whole truth? I was always good at asking questions that have no definite answers...

P.S. I am not trying to say I think the church is not true (as nebulous as the term 'true' can be for me most of the time). I am only trying to point out that even with questions of belief, there may not always be one right and one wrong answer. I think the leaders recognize this, but don't want to admit it openly, probably for the same reasons they don't admit a lot of things.

Believe It, It's True

If any of you have been unfortunate enough to have subjected yourselves to my rumblings of the past several months, you have really read a lot of interesting (if not confusing, disturbing, offensive, illogical, etc.) posts.

What is the purpose of it? Have I proved myself right? Have I determined where I stand? Other than on the irrelevance of John McCain's skin grafts to the state of our nation, not hardly. Have I established that I am irreverent? Insane? Lacking proper brain functions? Likely.

As usual, I belabor getting to the point. I believe I have found the object of all of my ridiculous and variable political rants. I have not really come to a conclusion on many subjects, but I have come to see the wisdom and truth of the following statement: If you believe it, it's true.

All our lives, it seems, we spend time either finding out what we believe, or walking around in utter disbelief, uncertain why others tend to differ in their beliefs, when ours are so flawless. I would offer that in many, if not most cases, both sides are right.

In the world today, you can literally pick any belief you want. If you want to believe banks will all fail tomorrow, that a presidential candidate can destroy our nation single-handedly, that Christianity is evil, that God is a Spirit, that cats are better than dogs, odds are, you may be right. The fact is, you can find information to back up just about any belief you can imagine. If there is one thing I'm certain of, it is this truism.

Then begs the question: just because you believe it, and can find evidence to prove your position true, does that mean you know you are right? I'll let you think about that one yourself.

Am I good father? Yes. Am I a bad father? Indeed. But how can both of them be true at the same time? While so simple to explain, it seems to me to be a great discovery - we are what we believe. We are good. We are evil. It doesn't matter who we are. Unless you believe there are perfect humans out there, then there is no disputing this basic truism either. Are there really absolute rights and wrongs? I think there are. But sometimes it is much more complex than a simple right and wrong decision or act in life.

It really does come down to what you want to believe. And no matter what that happens to be, you will probably always find contradictions. Does that mean you are wrong? Much harder to answer, this question is.

This is what I know. I cannot explain in simple language exactly why I believe what I believe. How do I suppose I will be able to understand others' beliefs? People I do not know, people who have not experienced what I have, nor have I partaken in their experiences.

I don't expect this will change anytime soon, so it would seem the most logical course of action to accept the world for what it is: one great paradox. Once you reach this realization, you actually start to appreciate the world's beauty and diversity even more. It is wondrous. We have a soul. We have a body. We live on this incredible planet, in this great nation, and most people are good people.

And we can believe whatever we want to believe.

***As for me, it has been a great journey. Some of the things I wrote six months ago sound ludicrous to me today. And that is just fine. We are always refining our beliefs and understandings. We are right, and we are wrong simultaneously. It is magnificent, in my mind.***